beyond no more.

first of all let me thank mr CareBear for giving me the opportunity to witness Beyond live for the first, and last time in my life. well the trio finally decided to go solo after producing nearly a decade of erm, well, forgettable music. 'differences in music' was their blame, and very hopefully, their cause. but i guess nobody can string lyrics and imbue them in unchained melodies like Ka Kui, the departed and dearly missed.

but when Paul urged the audience after the first song not to call for an encore, the robust crowd went silent. the finale for singaporean fans, one night only. no encore, just good music and a clean finish. and good music it was. i swear Steve sounds much better here then when he performed in HK. sweat they gave, and tears we wept. the passion in the stadium was not infectious, for all was long infected. they include children from the age of four to elderly forties. and like Ka Kui said in a taped dialogue segment, music bonds. it was as though he was speaking from his grave. truly heart-felt. think i'll stop here, recollection can be kinda tear-jerking.

it was a special night, with special people. and somehow now, i believe the word special is closely related to the word 'once'. sweetest dreams jester. and yea, yat hei gou fu rock'n roll!

blue no more!

i'm gonna paint my room tomorrow.
a friend told me the colour of a room will mould a person's mood over time.
and another told me the colour blue breeds depession.
i was like 'omfg that's why!'

and here's why.





painted pictures up soon!

and the truth is..

what's my painful pleasure?

not sex.

not diarrhoea. not picking my nose till it bleeds. and nope, not sticking a thumb into the erogenous zone when i wank.

'you are so beautiful, it hurts.' Pearl Habour

my pack of lies

finally, after decaying decades
i now lie on my bed, my vision slowly fades
the glass of my windows turning opague
everything around me
transmuting to darker shades

nope, i'm not feeling suicidal. just my usual bout of depression. i think i've lost my biggest motivation, and my ultimate distraction. which explains my absence from home, work, outings, and here. but i guess it's finally enough. i knew from the start i had no counter on this board, let alone the chance to roll a good number. so yep it's just all along the stubborn me, unwilling to play other games.

so i decided from today i should just work my ass off, go for my holiday, and yes show china bitches my sleeping dragon. =D

catch me

hi dudes and hopefully dudettes, i'm home!

yes finally home. i can rest my body for the night now. the week in camp was bad. spending entire days at padang for NDP preparations. the unforgiving weather consumed joules of energy. the deprivation of sleep crumbled vestiges of sanity. this might just go on till the day i ORD.. but hey, i never expected a happy ending in a sad story anyway. this whole NDP is bullshit is start with anyway. our patriotic singaporeans are there for the goodie bags and fireworks. for me, a headshot assasination would spell rejoice.

played with my new toy abit. faces of modern slaves!!




oh man.. Ms ORD, i can't feel you. = /

special dedications

oh man these few days are long.. less sleep, more work.
the income is fine i suppose, enough for my daily activities. and hurray~ finally gonna change my handphone tomorrow. actually i was thinking if i could get myself a girlfriend, i would buy a pair of 3G phones for us the next valentine's day. but it's never gonna happen.. cause i'm still suffering from my infatual insistence, happily. \(^. ^)/

nearly everyone close to me is having quite a rough patch in their lifes now. accumulated angers, emotional sensivity, physical manipulations, and worst of all, national slavery. i know everything will turn out just fine, so hang in there my dearests.

especially gay-minded Recruit Chua, i pray for his safety. he's a weak-minded follower and could get into all sorts of troubles with authorities. hoping to see him this 18th, he's a best friend in a very different way. hiakhiakz.

and to future Sergeant Low, this one way path will not be smooth sailing, do your very best my bro. if your ship slows, we will break wind just for you. whatever happens, we are here. and you know your cargo's full of our best wishes and blessings already.

FF7 themes (piano) http://ff7ac.net/?s=pages/music

the army

how time flies, it feels like yesterday when i was enlisted.
and now in 3 months time, i will truly savour the SAF motto
- Serve And Fuckoff

leader, soldier, brother.
respecting command, commanding respect.
we never mistake peacefulness for peace.
the mud on my face is soil, our soil.

all of the above, to me, is the purest form of bullshit. i can't stress enough how much i hate the army. with all the credit dear mr leep did for our motherland, he should really be impaled from the ass up for creating this goddamn place.

burn in hell you old geezer
your son aint no better
sure, he made us 5 day workers
but he raises cigarette prices
just because he suffered from cancer
get a relapse, join your father
and may us be freed from the leep's era

the people below are some who feels the same too. they made my army life much bearable that way, and in some ways, fun too. cheers to ORD, and good luck to everyone. =)

like a kid with a new toy

can't believe it took me nearly a decade of using the internet to finally know how to upload pictures.
don't have a habit of carrying a camera around and my pauper friends do not believe in camera phones.
this photograph was taken on my 21st birthday, before my face was creamed.




every guy in this picture is single, but availabilty varies. =)

nature of the beast

new blood arrives, hopes are revived
swiftly he climbs the learning ropes
making masters look like flops
with schedules amended,
celebration commended...

the place is packed
people like cards in a deck
however, the jacks are here for the queens
some wanting to bring them back
others just needed them to lick it clean

he lit a cigarette
knowing himself, he felt regret
this game of poke-her(poker) was not for him
he is not, in any ways, a prophet
maybe he just didn't like filthy hyms

the queen of spades casted a glance
inquisitive, decisive, she made her advance
he did not deter, it did not matter
soon her body was all over
but he kept his hands together
thinking of the past which haunted him like a reaper

the lights are dimming, the guys are steaming
the gate is unhinged, the beasts are unleashed
fruits are ripe, ready for the relish
of men burying their pipes to the finish
he left and went home
alone on his bed, these words formed

what i want is to have and to hold
emptiness in me is the ending
everytime i fuck and go

of sky and pastures

was on the phone with a close friend, did some emo talk since it's late at night.

i'm sitting under a tree, basking in the warmth of the clear blue sky, and admiring the sceneric evergreen pastures. i'll feel at ease and contented, not wanting anything more. so if i'm actually sitting under an apple tree, i wouldn't know. so i'll die there not knowing what an apple is and how it tastes like. but if an apple drops, and if i take a bite at it, i might like it. and if i do, i'll probably think that apples only drop and cannot be plucked. and if i do not like the taste of it, i'll just throw it away and think apples cannot be eaten.

but my friend is quite different. in the same circumstances, instead of feeling relaxed under the tree, she'll look around for something, instead of waiting for that something to happen. so if she sees the apples above her, she'll try to reach them, wanting to know what an apple taste like.

so yeah.. i guess i'm the kind of person that lives to die. and i really appreciate who i am.

first words

last night while flipping through my work file, i decided to pen my thoughts and emotions on a piece of paper. then it suddenly dawned on me i haven't done constructive writing in 6 years. it was then i truly felt like a school dropout, which i actually am.

so now i'm finally here to blog. reason being only one, just to 'write'. i guess most of my posts will not be based on my daily life, since i don't have much of one anyway. so i'll just write my crappy views and perceptions of any and everything. look forward to it.